Welcome to Phantomonium
Is it me or does this summer seem a bit off? Throughout the entire summer, Old Town Road has officially became the longest running number 1 single in Billboard history, country music has start becoming enjoyable to a wide number of people because of it, trap has been stepping up from last year and most big name artists like Cardi B, Maroon 5 and Bebe Rexha are nowhere to be found and replaced by Billie Eilish, Lil Nas X, Khalid and many more. Every though I’m not completely sure about this, but it’s a pretty good week overall. The week I’m reviewing is August 31, 2019 and here are the tiers
Also, this is just my personal opinion. If you disagree, that’s fine, but don’t be an asshole about it. Let’s begin.
Wow. For once, there’s no songs in the shit tier, but that doesn’t mean there’s no bad songs here.
Ok America, can we please stop giving this guy hits.
20. No Guidance by Chris Brown ft. Drake
Why do we keep giving Chris Brown hits? He doesn’t deserve anything since that Rihanna incident and he’s constantly proven to be a monster. Even if I ignore his violent history, he doesn’t deserve to have career THIS long. He’s a mediocre singer with no personality, and his songs are boring at best with a few exceptions. But he’s a good dancer, so that’s something. And No Guidance isn’t one of those exceptions. This beat sounds tired with the poor mixing, the lyrics are worthless for a generic hookup track, Chris Brown sounds like an Auto-Tuned foghorn and Drake is here for some reason. Only reliable to give no-names or anyone for that matter a guaranteed a top 10 hit. Worked for Blockboy JB, Lil Baby and Meek Mill, but at least for the latter, they we’re squashing a beef. Yeah, I could say the same thing for Chris Brown but I can’t. Drake should’ve at least known better than to work with this guy again, he’s the only reason this song is in the bad tier. Once the 2020s come around, let’s leave Chris Brown into obscurity, where he belongs.
19. Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi
Do I really need to explain this? Sure the piano sounds nice and all, but it sounds like any other piano ballads I’ve heard elsewhere. UK native Lewis Capaldi tries to be as heartfelt like Hozier but his raspy tone and his delivery ends up sounding like James Arthur. The lyrics are done to death breakup lyrics that tries to be emotional but falls short. It’s only used for the adult contemporary charts and the radio like how it’s predecessor Say You Won’t Let Go. The song has a lack of a structure behind and I can’t see it other that “painfully boring.” In other words, another sleep-inducing ballad that tries so damn hard to be heartwarming, but ends up being terrible.
Meh Tier (2/5)
18. Ransom by Lil Tecca
Really? This is the most streamed song in the country. A quirky rapper who looks like Sid from Ice Age has the most streamed song right now. That’s 2019 for ya. Anyways, the song itself is whatever, I guess. The beat is pretty decent and Lil Tecca has a somewhat decent flow. But, I don’t care about the lyrical content, as it’s just flexing. There can be songs that are just flexing that I like. For example, Polo G and Lil Tjay’s Pop Out is a decent song and I wonder why can’t I talk about that song. Honestly from a perspective I could see the appeal of this song if I give it a few more listens and ignore that unnecessary Juice WRLD remix. Also, think about the fact that there’s two teenagers in the top 5 as we speak.
17. You Need To Calm Down by Taylor Swift
This should be fun. I get why this song was made: it was meant to support the LGBT community. I can respect, but here’s the thing. That’s not was it really is to me. I see this song as Shake It Off 2.0 with a melody that jacks MIA’s Paper Planes and I’m not really the only one who sees it that way. The first easily proves it with how she deals with people taking about behind her back. And then there’s the second verse. This is obviously in the defense of the LGBT community and like I said, I’m really feeling it, especially this line
“‘Cause shade never made anybody less gay”
…my point. I can understand the issues the community as a whole has been dealing on a daily basis and I can’t really speak on behalf of the community since I’m straight, but this song just seems so shallow just like how 1-800 was to suicide prevention. The song itself is getting criticized for the supposed pandering. Can’t really blame them. In the video, the supposed anti-LGBT people are stereotypical rednecks instead of religious conservatives like Brian Fischer and Ben Shapiro. The only thing it really achieve is that it signified the end of the Taylor-Katy Perry beef. I can respect the intentions Taylor Swift was going for in support for the community, but it falls. And if I want to listen to a song that deals with this topic with more efficiency, Macklemore’s Same Love easily takes the cake for me.
16. I Don’t Care by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber
My opinion on this song hasn’t changed the slightest. I still (obvious pun inserted) about this song and I find it disappointed that this came from Ed freaking Sheeran. The guy is incredibly talented and it seems to be a slap in the face to me because it’s such a waste of potential. I’m more annoyed that this song is a duet with Just Bieber. I mean it would fit for his No.6 Collaborations Project, but as a song it seems more like radio fuller (like his no.1 hits Shape of You and Perfect) than a potential summer jam to me.
15. Boyfriend by Ariana Grande and Social House
After the release of thank u, next (the album), I wasn’t really all that excited for her next release. That’s was until I actually heard this song with the Philly natives The Social House and its just okay. The beat sounds a bit clunky at times with the vocal mixing and thicker bass behoind, but I don’t honestly have no idea what on earth was that noise in the intro. The performers are decent at best and if this was meant to be a duet, why is there two guys in this? The lyrics are about a former couple not wanting the other to hook up with other people. I could see the good song coming out, but I can’t really like this as much as I should. Kinda wish why ghostin still wasn’t released a single.
14. Goodbyes by Post Malone ft Young Thug
I tried. I really wanted to like this but there’s a few parts in the song I didn’t like (which I’ll get to). Everything else is pretty damn solid. The production sounds pretty good and Malone sounds good over. I can get behind the lyrical content, which is about both sides admitting their flaws and revealing that they don’t want to be with each other. I do see some sense of toxicity in the first verse, but I don’t mind it. This is a right direction from his other break-up songs, but Stay is easily my favorite. My only problems is one, he compares himself to Kurt Cobain in the opening line in the first verse in terms of problems with fame. Seriously dude. And my other problem is Young Thug. He doesn’t fits this song to the slightest and his screeching delivery isn’t helping. Overall, I would like this a bit more if Young Thug was removed from this track.
13. Talk by Khalid
As much as I’m happy that Khalid finally has a top 5 hit, but this doesn’t deserved it. For me, it did more for electronic duo Disclosure than it did for Khalid himself. Usually, Khalid goes for dark and moody production and it always works for him. That’s why Better is one of my favorite songs from him and one of my favorite hits of the year. And this seems more of a happy pop with some of the atmospheric feel to it. I like it but it doesn’t do so for me.
12. Sucker by Jonas Brothers
So the Jonas Brothers are officially a thing now? That’s quite a shame. I still enjoy this through and through, but I notice that this one thing: it’s their only single that has some actual quality behind since their comeback. Think about it, their follow ups Cool and Only Human are nothing but mediocre-to-terrible tracks meant to fill up space in the radio. Oh and since we let these guys back into the spotlight, let’s do the same for Big Time Rush. I’ll wait til 2022 for that to happen.
11. Suge by DaBaby
Alright it grew on me. It still find this a bit generic, with a slapdash of some sort of groove. The beat is minimal and it doesn’t really switch up, especially with the too much bass added to it. DaBaby is a solid rapper with a few clever lines and a good flow that elevates this song from being in the decent tier. The reason that got me to understand this appeal is DaBaby himself. I already said that he has a good flow and clever wordplay. Then, I checked out his discography and XXL cypher and turns out he’s really good. For a guy who calls himself “Dababy” and has so many baby references in most of his other songs, he’s pretty damn convincing if you add his personal life into the mix. Well I’m not going to since it’s pointless and it doesn’t affect his music. But he may go down as the only rapper I like with the word baby as their stage name.
10. Beautiful People by Ed Sheeran ft Khalid
Now this is an Ed Sheeran song I can groove to. Well, I’ll better off if BLOW, Take Me Back to London, and especially Antisocial were in this top 20. But this’ll do though. The organic production makes this sounds more of a summer anthem than I Don’t Care and the backing vocals are magnificent. Khalid and Ed Sheeran has some really good interplay and balances each other really well. Lyrically, it’s about how Ed doesn’t want to be considered one of the “beautiful people” and I don’t really believe it. Like at all. If it was released around 2014-2015, it would’ve made sense, but Ed Sheeran is practically one of the biggest names in the planet. I can totally buy into Khalid because he’s closely rising to superstardom, even though he has collaborated with other well-known artists. As it is, it’s still pretty solid.
9. Old Town Road by Lil Nas X ft Billy Ray Cyrus
I would like to give out my congrats to this song breaking One Sweet Day’s record of longest running number 1 single in Billboard history. It does deserve it. Now that’s out of the way, I’m kinda glad it’s gone from the top spot. It did block a few big names from reaching the top, but I’m just sick of hearing it. Not in a way that this song is overplayed, I mean to the point it was an open discussion. I keep hearing how much this song has been a cultural phenomenon, how much of a long lasting impact it’ll have on our lives and it became one of the most interesting aspects of the decade. While a lot of that is true, I’m just done with it. Not helping with the 500,000 remixes he has put out. Especially that Young Thug and Mason Ramsey remix. Now that’s he focusing on having a second with Panini, there’s really no need for this song. I get this song’s appeal and how impactful it had on us, but I just don’t want to hear it again.
8. Money In The Grave by Drake ft Rick Ross
I know that in the previous years it was ok to say you’re sick of Drake. I mean can you really blame them. The guy has put mediocre projects with little to no effort and the general public would eat it up like it’s a Popeyes chicken sandwich. I mean, occasionally he can try to not sound dead on all of his songs. He can have some sort of energy in him. That was why Nice for What was so universally like last year. Does Money in the Grave live up to that hype? Well, it’s close. The beat bumps in the whip and the two performers sounds good over it. I know I’m nitpicking here but why Drake wants to be buried in a pile of cash? I know he’s doing this out of spite, but you could use that for your kid. I’m gonna save that for another time, so let’s move on. And also, why weren’t there any basketful references? I know that this song is made to celebrate the Raptors’ victory over the Warriors in the NBA Finals this year, but at least bring up their victory. But yeah, really good stuff.
7. Señorita by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello
Quick question: do you remember I Know What You Did Last Summer? You know that Shawn Mendes/Camila Cabello single 3 years ago. Well, how would you feel if this was re-released with a dash of Havana. You’ll get this song and it’s honestly pretty good. I like the Latin-flavor instrumentation and the I don’t mind the writing. My only problem is Camila Cabello herself. She sounds so incredibly nasal and her vocal tone doesn’t match this at all. Shawn Mendes on the other hand, is trying his darnest, but I’m not really seeing the chemistry between the two. Have anyone realized that in the second and final chorus that Shawn doesn’t say “I love when you call me señorita” and he just says “I love when you call, señorita. Could’ve let Camila sang the chorus on her own since this sounds more of her song. I don’t really care about the rumors speculating that these two may be dating or Camila is Shawn’s beard yadda yadda yadda. I’m more astonished that this ended up becoming Shawn’s first number one hit. If I Can’t Have You deserves that spot.
6. The Git Up by Blanco Brown
So country trap going to be a thing? Kinda all in for it. This song reminds me of many rap dance songs like Cha Cha Slide, Crank Dat, Whip/Nae Nae, Juju on that beat, anything you can think of mixed with a country feel to it. I say it because that’s what is it. It doesn’t sound so out of place, the aesthetics seems real, Blanco Brown has some twang in his vocals that can easily pass him off as a country singer and it’s not as annoying as those songs (minus the Cha Cha Slide). This song seems to be riding off of Old Town Road’s success and honestly I find it better than OTR. Even it’s more of a novelty song, it’s at least more country. Notice how I didn’t talk about the lyrics. It’s mostly dance instructions and Blanco Brown sounds like that one energetic uncle that will to dance at a wedding. So basically me in about 30 years.
5. Bad Guy by Billie Eilish
Finally, she has dethroned Old Town Road to get that number 1. Only fitting that she has to suffer from it worse than any other. And yes that includes Taylor Swift. This song has shrunk on me because of one line
“Might seduce your dad type”
Realizing that she was 17 at the time of this song’s release makes it a bit uncomfortable if you ask me. Doesn’t help with the Justin Bieber remix. It’s not bad press, but Justin Bieber adds nothing to the track and it makes it entirely pointless. While I do enjoy this song through and through, I feel that this song shouldn’t reach the success it had. To me, Bury a Friend or When the Party’s Over should’ve been her first number 1 hits because the deserve it more than this.
4. If I Can’t Have You by Shawn Mendes
To keep this short, it’s still an underrated song. Everything about it is fun and Shawn delivers. some charisma. I just wish this ended up as his first number 1 hit instead of Señorita.